Heartbreak Warfare.

Dear World Wide Web,
It was an unusually warm Tuesday morning as I was sitting in the car, on the way to my elementary school. I was in the second grade, and thought I had everything figured out. I knew what high school, college, and even law school I wanted to go to, all by the time I was six and a half. There was something different about this day, from all the other times I had been dropped of at school.

As we were zooming down I-75, Ammu ( what Zahara and I are supposed to call our mom) decided to put this brand new cd that looked relatively good into the stereo. "Bye,bye,bye," was all it took and I was addicted. The song was so upbeat and catch, definitely calling for spastic dancing on my part. Ammu glanced at me from the side mirror on the car and asked if I was having some kind of "episode". I told her that I had found my favorite band of all time: *NSYNC. She laughed and rolled her eyes... of course. Then after relentless kicking and screaming, I had Ammu pass back the cd cover so I could glance at the cover of the geniuses behind the creation of the cd. As soon as it reached the very grips of my fingertips, the moment happened. The moment I had fallen in love, my very first. Not the kind of love that you have for a small chihuahua or a snuggie, this was the kind of love you have for people who really mean something to you, that could last forever.

There he dangled on the front of the “No Strings Attached” cd album with slight spiky hair, highlights, well styled jeans, and adorable black sweater was the fifth member on the right: Lance Bass. I had fallen in love at first glance. My whole world had been turned upside down in a matter of milliseconds; until that moment I believed that boys had cooties and were gross and icky, but Lance was different. He was a man. From that one picture on the cover of the album, I could tell several things. He seemed sensitive, looked gorgeous, and sounded talented. He was definitely the hunk for me.

Finally, I got to school. Although, when I got there the day zoomed by and all of my thoughts were consumed by his incredible face structure, green eyes, and fabulous hair. The second grade could not have gotten any more complicated. Later that day when Ammu picked Zahara and I from school, I picked up the “No Strings Attached” cover and ripped out the picture cover. I slid that picture into my jeans pocket and made sure no one saw. Then I realized that I did not care, I was in love. I even talked to the picture I tore out of Lance at night, making some of my biggest second grade decisions with him by my side. At that point, I felt like we were an actual married couple, we did everything together!

Eventually my friends knew something was different with my behavior and asked me what was wrong. I dreamily looked at them and told them I was in love. They asked, “ Are you sure you do not just like them a lot?” I told them proudly no, “ I mean It's that can't-eat, can't- sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, world-series kind of stuff.” My friends gasped slightly gasped and backed away a little. They knew it was serious if I was quoting my favorite movie “It takes two.” They pressed and pressed about who my "soulmate" was but I avoided answering it. An older man? They would not handle that well. Eventually I gave up and told them I had the hots for Grant Maris, (He was attractive back then) and they did the traditional “ Awwww, he is so perfect routine,” and never brought up my crush up again.

The Lanyesa Basshury relationship progressed until August of 2006. Then he came out to the world admitting that he was gay. I was CRUSHED. The first man I had given my whole heart to, and he was gay? I was nearly in tears when I found out. My first secret-imaginary-slightly creepy relationship, and it turned out he didn't want to have anything to do with me. You can imagine the rage I felt.

The worst thing about it is how I found out. My mom was taking me to publix for some school supplies and that was when I saw this sitting at the checkout lane. -------->



This was too much for me to even handle. My heart was ripped from my chest all at once and I could not even breathe. In the amount of time it took for the grocery bagger to ask paper or plastic, my world had done a complete 180. I was absolutely crushed, and my mom looked at me the same way she did when I first discovered my love of *NSYNC. I told her in a very condensed manner what happened and she said (this seriously happened) " It's not like you were going to marry him. You'll get over it." That's the day my heart had been broken twice. Once from Lance leaping out of the closet with full force and twice when my mother of didn't offer as much as a shoulder to cry on.

Sincerely
DECAFdork